Immersion and Post-Immersion

First, Congratulations, Holly! Finishing is inspiring, and yes, the fact that "finishing" is another stage, and is vulnerable as well as exciting.

Just got back from a 4-day poetry conference--intense, exciting, annoying, terrifying, exciting. After my first poem was workshopped, one that had already been published, I had to go back to my dorm room for a couple of hours and decompress. It got a lot of praise--words like "perfect" and "beautiful" were mentioned, along with some very specific, very good local suggestions for changes. So why did I feel like I wanted to go hide under the covers and never come out again? I just felt so raw, exposed--finally what started the tears, the catharsis, is when the cover-hider part of myself said, "It's hard!" (Waaa). I was happy to hear another part of myself immediately respond "No shit!"

I was able that night to absorb the comments, revise the poem, and go on to have another piece workshopped, as well as survive in fine fashion an individual conference with workshop leader Lisa Williams, and write a new poem from the exercise she gave the group.

So, waaa, yes it's hard, and somehow either the feeling of "nothing" or the feeling of being exposed both seem like things (like Wendy's description of the Descending Demons, whose cousins I know so well) to go through/past again and again. And I want to remember like what's on the other side. It's alive. Jayne

BRAVA HOLLY!!!!!

Wooooooooooohoooooooooooooooooo!

Wendy

HC is pretty darned proud right now...

I just finished the first draft of my first novel. Approx 185 pages, 63,000 words...and some of them don't stink!

Who knows.

I'm going to let it sit for a few days, then print the whole thing out and read it. I'm sure there's still a lot of work to be done, but, hey, I finished the first draft. I have a complete stranger (the friend of a friend) who's willing to read it, and I have a good friend who's willing to read it. I'm going to come up with very concrete questions for them to answer. Whatever the answers, I will continue with my edits, etc.

This is very exciting and scary. I'm glad I can now work on my nonfiction book for a while. That's sort of easier because it's a biography. I don't need to be brilliant, I need to be clear and informative.

Right this very moment, life is very good.

Same As It Ever Was, Same As It Ever Was

So I just wrote for the first time in about a week. I had been writing pretty much every day, but then I got busy for a day or two, and as soon as I lost my momentum, the demons descended:

• Demon 1: Why write at all? You'll never finish anything!
• Demon 2: And even if you do, it'll stink.
• Demon 3: And even if it's any good, it'll never get published.
• Demon 4: You're not a real writer.

Well, I finally fought the demons with the only weapon I know of that works: ACTUALLY SITTING DOWN AND WRITING!

I don't know why I have to go through this cycle again and again and again and again, but at least the demon part of the cycle has gotten shorter over the years. That's progress!

Wendy

Back, and back atcha

Dear Possible Dreamers--I can really see the help from our ebbs and flows here, en-couraging each other. Back from a couple of weeks being mom and daughter in CA, it's good to read the posts from everybody and get re-energized to return to my work, and re-reminded that "not being nice" is an important message. It also really helps to hear everybody talking about their writing processes and working in the head, on post-it notes, and on multiple projects at once. Sometimes it's hard to see how things are moving forward in our own work, so it helps to hear others.

I did take pieces to CA and worked on revising them some mornings when I was still on East Coast time and woke up before anybody else. Also took my journal and walked to the Starbucks a mile from my mom's--two healthinesses with one stone. So thanks for your support and presence, everybody. I'm feeling re-energized. Thanks.

Jayne

Uh, Writing Is Hard . . .

I think I'm definitely going to focus on my noir novel for a while and let my play simmer and/or die a natural death. I've been posting reviews online and doing a lot of writing at work, but now I want to work on my own stuff for a while.

I had all these ambitions--each day I was going to write X amount of hours or X number of words and have a rough draft in X weeks. I got enthusiastic and then scared and then paralyzed. Which reminded me of two things my fabulous San Diego therapist used to say:

1 (with much affection and humor): "Do we have to go through this again?"

and

2: "Write when you can."

Oh, yeah.

Wendy

HC: Downtime is okay...I guess

I'm dying to work on my book, but I'm really busy! Even when I have a moment of free time, I need to use it to relax. However, I've discovered that the book is SO there, inside my head, that I'm working on it even when I'm not working on it. Something will happen during the day and I'll think, "OH, that's why my main character would do/not do something. Yes, I can use that."

Although I'd like to be spending hours and hours writing, rewriting, tweaking, deleting, I can't right now. I have to take the little gifties that my brain throws me from time to time, and work them into the 167 pages I currently have. The book will get finished, whether next week or 6 months from now. That's progress right there.

Holly: Oh, I'm NOT perfect, huh?

I'm doing sound and light boards for a show ("Our Lady of South Division Street", by Tom Dudzick) at Penguin Rep in Stony Point, NY, and last night I messed up a cue. I thought I hit both the space bar on the sound board keyboard with my left hand and the GO button on the light board with my right, but the lights didn't go out as they were supposed to. The stage manager said, again, into my ear through my headset, "LIGHTS" and then I hit the GO button and the lights went out.

There was perhaps a 3-second delay...which felt like 10 minutes. However, the world did not stop spinning. The show went on, and the audience applauded at the end and loved it.

My heart was beating very fast. Adrenaline pumping. Negative self thoughts started, and I just stopped them. As my stage manager says, we're not researching cancer here. It's a show. It's all okay. She actually called the cue a nano-second late. I hit the button late. When the lights came on again, the crew had forgotten to put a necessary prop in its place, probably causing adrenaline overload in the two actors on stage. Hey, it's live theater folks. Both actors covered the mistake so well I doubt if anyone in the audience even noticed. That's thinking on your feet. 

I really like the fact that, no matter how many times you've done a show, you can still mess up. There is no such thing as perfection. And that's a great lesson! 

Wisdom to Know the Difference

So, I'm stuck. My play is not coming along. I've been writing about it, I've been writing around it, but I haven't been able to actually write it. So, here's the question: does this mean that I'm just blocked and should keep at it, or that I need to completely rethink it, or that it's time to retire it and move on to something else? And the answer is? Damned if I know

So I'm going to take some time to work on another project I have in mind. I figure that as long as I keep writing something, I'm all right!

And I want to start sending out my short plays and full-length screenplay. If a tree falls in the woods, and there's no one there to hear it . . .

Wendy

Yay You All! And Me!

Been spinning my wheels a bit (more than a bit!) with my play. I keep telling myself I should just write everything down and then cull, but I haven't been able to find a way in. So I've been reading a playwrighting book, which is helping some, and jotting down notes. I think I've made some decisions/come to some realizations. I'm not actually writing-writing, but I'm writing-ish. It's something.

And today I posted two play reviews and an entry on The Write Bunch, and I'm writing about my play if not actually writing my play, and it's only 1:00, so I rock.

Wendy

I did something!

Hi everyone. I finally opened the article I've been editing after a few days of avoiding it completely. I finished the edits to the lit review section, and reviewed the data for the discussion. Thanks to Wendy for reminding my inner child that work and play are separate--even if they look suspiciously alike.

Krystal

Holly is learning from Jayne...

My lead character in my novel did something I'm not sure I'm happy about, and I'm not 100% sure I like. Although I think, as the author, I did give her every reason to do it, and it makes sense, I'm still not sure I like her for it.

Wendy said it's okay to not like your lead character sometimes.

Jayne says it's okay to be nasty.

BUT I WANT EVERYONE TO LOVE ME!!! Well, I will get over that, and I will learn from the wonderful people on this blog.

Thanks!!

Holly

AV: Notes to Self

Toot! This is my first entry on this blog! Toot! Toot!

Today while brushing my teeth I had a phrase for a new poem run through my head. Did I say to myself that I would remember it? Yes, I did! Did I repeat it to myself a few times to make sure that I would remember it? Yes! I did! And did I then put down my toothbrush and actually write the damn thing down on a post-it note and stick it to the mirror?? Why yes, I did. :)

This, my friends, is what we like to call progress.

Love this blog!

ps -- Jayne, you're better when you're a bit naughty.

-av-

One Other Thing

Yay, Jayne for not being nice. Very impressive! And I'm glad it was rewarding. Wendy

Wendy Has a Unique Evening

Last night, in an interesting coincidence, I saw a rough cut of the movie version of my short play, You Look Just Like Him, and then went to see the play itself performed. My nephew Charlie, who was the production assistant on the film, directed it (very well) as part of his high school's evening of one acts.

It was a rewarding evening in many ways. The movie is looking good. The play was well-done and well-received. I got a vivid lesson in the differences between movies and plays. I got compliments, which I ate right up (hey, it gets lonely writing!).

I'd love to write more about it, but I need to focus on my full-length play. I've been writing pretty much daily. Well, what I've been doing is more like un-writing--I've deleted dozens of pages. But pruning is part of growing, so I'm calling it writing.

Jayne finds it pays not to be nice

Good reading last night--decent crowd, lots of positive feedback, even sold three books and got an honorarium I wasn't expecting. Most importantly, read 4 new pieces, and the one that people responded to most positively was the one that WASN'T NICE--it seemed to strike chords in several, and was the one people mentioned liking the most.

Slogging through and learning...

Holly:

I'm learning so much about the process of writing an entire book, like what to reveal and when, and that the more pages you write the more information sort of has to be stretched out. As I write page 155, it changes something on page 30. Page 157 packs more of a whallop (is that how you spell that?) if you don't telegraph too much too early on. It's almost like science.

I'm dissecting parts of the book to look at them separately, to see how they build. At one point I realized my main character has exactly the same conversation with three different people! That's changed now.

It's all so interesting and difficult and most of all fun. I'm having a great time, and I so appreciate having people to talk to about the process. This is like a writing group without having to go anywhere.

Thanks!

A Good Day

At my job, worked on a seminar on money management. Figured out a good way to explain dollar cost averaging.

Afterward, worked on my play, jotting down ideas, reconsidering my characters, figuring out the arc and the journey.

Also wrote a review of All the President's Men on the Write Bunch.

I really enjoy this blog! Wendy

Holly is not just writing...

I finally cleaned out by my bedside table/nightstand today while on the phone with friends from Texas and England. I'm incapable of just sitting and talking on the phone...it just seems like a waste of time. Actually, I cleaned out the drawer, I cleaned off the top, I cleaned off the shelf, and I cleaned off under the table!

So, I can now see the top (hey! it's white!) and I've thrown things away, put things back on the bookshelf, make a pile of books to give away, and most importantly DUSTED. Yuck. I also found some stuffed animals to give to a friend who is collecting them for charity. I hate to say goodbye to some of them but other people possibly under 46 need them more than I do...and I'm keeping my big elephant, Martha, from the great Seattle toy store, and I'm keeping my smaller woolly mammoth because I love elephants.

Cleaning out/off things also cleans out my brain and I think I have some ideas for the last parts of my book! Yay!

Wrestled another one into words

Jayne: Woke up this morning dreaming/thinking about a poem I'd been wanting to include in tomorrow night's reading, and it suddenly seemed possible to fit the parts together. Never mind the creative writing finals waiting to be graded--I've been having some happy hours this morning reading/adding/reading/cutting. It even alludes to global events but in the guise of a sensual poem about making (and eating) ricotta.

Thanks, all, for blog--it really helps to have a place to say this where people know that it matters that we make it to the desk or its equivalent. Jayne