Immersion and Post-Immersion

First, Congratulations, Holly! Finishing is inspiring, and yes, the fact that "finishing" is another stage, and is vulnerable as well as exciting.

Just got back from a 4-day poetry conference--intense, exciting, annoying, terrifying, exciting. After my first poem was workshopped, one that had already been published, I had to go back to my dorm room for a couple of hours and decompress. It got a lot of praise--words like "perfect" and "beautiful" were mentioned, along with some very specific, very good local suggestions for changes. So why did I feel like I wanted to go hide under the covers and never come out again? I just felt so raw, exposed--finally what started the tears, the catharsis, is when the cover-hider part of myself said, "It's hard!" (Waaa). I was happy to hear another part of myself immediately respond "No shit!"

I was able that night to absorb the comments, revise the poem, and go on to have another piece workshopped, as well as survive in fine fashion an individual conference with workshop leader Lisa Williams, and write a new poem from the exercise she gave the group.

So, waaa, yes it's hard, and somehow either the feeling of "nothing" or the feeling of being exposed both seem like things (like Wendy's description of the Descending Demons, whose cousins I know so well) to go through/past again and again. And I want to remember like what's on the other side. It's alive. Jayne

BRAVA HOLLY!!!!!

Wooooooooooohoooooooooooooooooo!

Wendy

HC is pretty darned proud right now...

I just finished the first draft of my first novel. Approx 185 pages, 63,000 words...and some of them don't stink!

Who knows.

I'm going to let it sit for a few days, then print the whole thing out and read it. I'm sure there's still a lot of work to be done, but, hey, I finished the first draft. I have a complete stranger (the friend of a friend) who's willing to read it, and I have a good friend who's willing to read it. I'm going to come up with very concrete questions for them to answer. Whatever the answers, I will continue with my edits, etc.

This is very exciting and scary. I'm glad I can now work on my nonfiction book for a while. That's sort of easier because it's a biography. I don't need to be brilliant, I need to be clear and informative.

Right this very moment, life is very good.

Same As It Ever Was, Same As It Ever Was

So I just wrote for the first time in about a week. I had been writing pretty much every day, but then I got busy for a day or two, and as soon as I lost my momentum, the demons descended:

• Demon 1: Why write at all? You'll never finish anything!
• Demon 2: And even if you do, it'll stink.
• Demon 3: And even if it's any good, it'll never get published.
• Demon 4: You're not a real writer.

Well, I finally fought the demons with the only weapon I know of that works: ACTUALLY SITTING DOWN AND WRITING!

I don't know why I have to go through this cycle again and again and again and again, but at least the demon part of the cycle has gotten shorter over the years. That's progress!

Wendy

Back, and back atcha

Dear Possible Dreamers--I can really see the help from our ebbs and flows here, en-couraging each other. Back from a couple of weeks being mom and daughter in CA, it's good to read the posts from everybody and get re-energized to return to my work, and re-reminded that "not being nice" is an important message. It also really helps to hear everybody talking about their writing processes and working in the head, on post-it notes, and on multiple projects at once. Sometimes it's hard to see how things are moving forward in our own work, so it helps to hear others.

I did take pieces to CA and worked on revising them some mornings when I was still on East Coast time and woke up before anybody else. Also took my journal and walked to the Starbucks a mile from my mom's--two healthinesses with one stone. So thanks for your support and presence, everybody. I'm feeling re-energized. Thanks.

Jayne